Complex Feelings

The other day my four year old daughter hit her younger brother with the shower head. I was pretty scared but thankfully he was ok. Next day while I was driving her to the school she started a conversation as “Mama, you know what? If you hit someone on the head with a shower head then police can come and catch you, right?” I was pretty baffled and didn’t know what would be technically right answer so just played along, “yeah, may be.” Then she said, “Well, they won’t catch you if they have not seen it, right?” I am totally shocked at how she can think in that direction; this is my sweet little baby who is supposed to be innocent till teenage! I said, “Police don’t have to see anyone doing it; they can find out about it. And mostly how do you feel about it?” Then she suddenly felt bad and dropped the subject. Since I was driving I couldn’t actually see in her eyes and read what’s going on in that little complicated mind. But this was really thought provoking and bit scary to know that at the age of four kids can think about such complex situations.
Another situation was an eye opener for me. I always try to emphasis to my kids that we are family and we love each other. Especially when they are in fight and my older one goes -“I hate my little brother!”

She learnt about the concept of secret recently and has been trying out creating her own secrets. She said she has a secret and she will only share it with mama and daddy; not with her brother. Before I said anything she could anticipate what’s coming from me. She immediately corrected herself saying, “Because he is just two and doesn’t understand what is secret anyways. But we still love him; because he is family, right?”
I was in smiles and at the same time was pretty shocked to see her processing the complex feelings. She anticipated my thoughts and felt the need to correct herself immediately before I started my usual mom lecture. This is definitely the sign that my baby girl is not a baby anymore, sigh! She has her personality and I should be able to understand her, love her unconditionally and respect her for her traits. I guess that is what parenting is for me; continuous learning experience.

Last 5 posts by Ketaki


  1. Khushi

    Ketaki, Great to hear from you. I love sharing your journey as I have a similar one with my kids. Its interesting to see them go through feelings and then process them and learn. I struggled a lot with sibling rivalry and it has gotten better as my older son has processed it more. I started telling him that it is not about being ‘equally loved’ but ‘uniquely loved’. 

  2. Juhi

    Hey, I feel the same way about my kids some time. But it is innocence that is making them speak up their feelings! At teenage, they might hide any jealousy

Leave a Reply