For one more day

Few weeks back I came across a book by Mitch Albom, ‘For one more day.’ A casual glance at the back cover revealed that the book talks about Charley Benetto, a broken man with a destroyed life, career and family and decides to end his life. Before he does that, he staggers into his old house, and to his utter disbelief, finds his mother, long dead, sitting in the family room, welcoming him, as if nothing had happened. An ordinary day, a chance to make good with his mother, to seek forgiveness and to explain family secrets.

I am not sure if I would have loved this book as much prior to my Dad’s sudden demise. I lost my Dear Father on Bijoya Dashami morning last year in a sudden cardiac asthma attack.  We were all unprepared for this eventuality. One minute he was talking to my mother and sister and the next minute he was gone, far away from all of us. The days that followed, I was in a state of haze, shock, disbelief and denial. Had I been prepared for this adversity or had any inkling, maybe I would have done more than what I could do.  Perhaps I wouldn’t have had this feeling of not doing enough for/with my Dad. I just so wish, I could get that one more chance, to have a long conversation like we had regarding everything from politics, economy, global warming, sexual preferences, home, investment, family, child, without ending it. To let him know how much it meant to me when he would call to comment on a post, or how fortunate I felt to have him, one of the most renowned journalist of his times, as my best critic. I wish I had taken his recommendation of aspiring to be a writer more seriously and avail of his offer of being my editor and guide.

I wish I had communicated to him how loved I felt each time he called me ‘Shona’ or would insist on my stay with him & my family even if my husband was away for a day. How amazingly loving he was when he came rushing to my home as if the world is going to come to an end, each time my son, my husband or I had mild fever, cold or cough.  Not argued with him over everyday mundane nuisances.  I wish I had captured every moment he spent with my son in a camera. I now long to hear the stories of his travel just once more though I have heard them a few times earlier. To share with him a new book that I have just read, to play a new cd compilation of old movie songs, to watch an Alfred Hitchcock movie with him on HBO classic or just to tease him with Rekha while watching any of her movies. My father loved her. I just want to hear once more from him of how happy and proud he felt in my parenting skills, (most of the times) and how mad could he get  with me when he felt I was being harsh to my son (on rare occasions) and his logic, ‘scream at your child and you raise a screamer’

I know all that I want to do may not fit in a day because I want so much more from life than what life has given me. But Dear Dad, I just want that one more day, one  more conversation, one more chance to make up for the lost time when I thought you would be there for me forever. I know that I can go on remembering all the days we spent together, all the memories that are so dear but none will outweigh the one I am wishing I could have.

All I want is just one more day

Last 5 posts by indrani



6 Comments

  1. Tana

    Indrani, I am stuck in a quandary, because no comment on this post is deserving, and will fall short, be trite or look foolish. Yet, to not comment would also be criminal, for you have shown such immense courage and vulnerability in writing about your dad’s loss. I pray for the peace of you and you family, for your dad’s soul, and all I can say is that you are lucky to have these amazing, wonderful, rich memories. Thank you so much for sharing this with us – it is a gift.

  2. Khushi

    Dear Indrani, your post is so much from the heart and it brought tears to my eyes and admiration – for you and your dad. It brought him back to me – the interactions I had with him. He is very much there in your thoughts, your interactions with Aman, in many little characteristics that you got from him. Thank you for sharing. Lots of love.

  3. Neelam

    very touching indeed. I’m sorry for your loss, but cherish the memories…they are not going anywhere!

  4. Indrani

    Dear Tana, Khushi & Neelam. Thanks a ton. It took a lot of courage to write this post but I am glad I could muster the courage to do so. Big Thanks to Tana & Khushi for that. The emotional upheaval I was going through for the past several months have been put to rest to an extent, if not completely. As Tana mentioned in her previous post, writing is a wonderful creative expression to vent out one’s inner most feelings. so true. Thanks to you all for making such a wonderful community of sharing.

  5. rajvi

    Indrani – Your post is beautiful. Cherish your memories and make new ones with your son. And please, please write more. We all enjoy your posts.

  6. Indrani

    Thanks Rajvi. i shall surely try to be more regular with my posts.

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