Forgiveness?

I am in the dilemma of decidng to forgive or not to forgive and what does the word “frogive” mean atcually? Dictory would say “Stop blaming or grant forgiveness”

Whereas the recent article ( 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

) that i read says forgiving is not forgetting. And I agree on that 100%

I really liked this article and thought of sharing it with you all. I am sure everyone of us have to go through the hurt feeling some or the other time in life. And that hurt feeling leads to resentment and many times spoils the relationship.  When one gets hurt from the closed one then that feeling impacts even more. So in such case demanding that you should be able to forgive and move on quickly would be just unfair. As per the old saying “time is the solution for everything”. And how true is that! Seriously over time one tends to forgive,forget and move on with the life. After so many years when you look back or whenever such hurt feelings dwell up you would still feel the sting but not as much as you felt at that very moment.

So I would feel everyone should be given a chance to take some time to digest and even to accept the apology. Forgiveness should not be demanded within a splash of second; like I understand my mistake, so I say sorry now immediately you should accept my apology and forgive me. I don’t think that is even possible.  What do you think?

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5 Comments

  1. Tana

    Ketaki,
    I am amazed to see this post, because I am currently reading at least two books to go through a process of forgiving! One is titled Prescriptions for Living (by Bernie Siegel, MD) and the other is titled Forgiveness is a Choice (by Robert Enright, Phd), and they are both by my bedside! I just finished the former.

    I totally agree that forgiveness is a process, and that going through all the steps one needs is not only necessary but also healthy. It’s the only way to truly forgive. I think forgiveness is necessary for oneself, not so much the other, because the person it hurts most when we don’t forgive is oneself!

    Dr. Siegel actually distinguishes between forgiving and forgetting very clearly. He suggests that “forgetting” is actually harmful because it only means we’ve repressed our feelings and have actually not forgiven. He says to forgive but never forget – because remembering makes us conscious of our true feelings, helps us process and THEN get to the place of forgiveness. He even has a clever and funny way of putting it – he says, “Remember, we are here in this life for-giving, not for-getting!” 🙂 🙂 Good luck with your honorable efforts!

  2. Khushi

    Ketaki, I go through this a lot. Even when I try to ‘forgive’ or sometimes even force myself to because that would bring peace, I usually dont forget. But I do try to brush aside those thoughts though they are difficult. I agree with you that time is a great healer. You know, unlike what they said before (forgive and forget), I would say forgive and if possible ignore.

  3. indrani

    Ketaki, First a lovely post. Congrats for writing on a very thought provoking subject. What I belive is to forgive is easy, to forget is difficult. So I forgive quickly and ask for forgiveness the momnet I realise I have made a mistake. But I don’t forget easily, neither mine, coz that helps me to keep my thoughts, deeds and actions in check and neither others’ coz that prevents me from getting hurt again.

  4. Khushi

    Hey Ketaki, how are you? How is your daughter? Missing hearing from you!

  5. Ketaki

    Hi Khushi,
    I’m doing fine, just got busy with work.Thanks so much for dropping a line.

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