Guilt or Comfort Zone?

It has been almost 3 years since I have been a home maker. Not by any compulsion, but first by circumstances and then by choice. The first year was spent on getting the work visa while we were in the US and I loved that one year exploring the city we lived in all by myself when my husband was at work. And then by the time I got it, I was on the family way. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy thoroughly so decided against taking up any job. Once my son came into this world, career ambitions took a back seat and I was all consumed with Shaamak and like most first time moms, he was all I could think of. So, recently when an ex colleague mentioned that there was a part time employment opportunity (3 days for 3 hours in the morning) and I should give it a try, much to my surprise and disappointment I was not excited. I who have been an ambitious woman, who found joy in working! I pondered why? I wouldn’t say there haven’t been days when it hasn’t been frustrating and boring and feeling pangs of jealousy when an ex fellow colleague has gone up the corporate ladder. Then why this confusion?

 Several questions came to my mind. Is it worthwhile to do this job, especially when thankfully its not for money nor do I see great career advancement in this but a break nevertheless? Is it going to be of any use to me? Will it justify leaving my precious son in edu play club (where we go for two hours) for about an hour longer? Will Shaamak be alright? Will he have his food? Will he get anxious when he realizes Mom is going to be late. I was over whelmed with confusion and a bit of guilt too.

 I thought for a moment. Is that it? Or is it that I feel so comfortable to be at home now that the very thought of leaving it for as little as three hours a day, makes me feel uncomfortable. Too comfortable to get out of the comfort zone.

 Apart from the morning rush of getting out of the house, what I am going to miss the most is ‘Me My Time’ a time that’s mine, no one to talk to no to disturb me. One hour during the day when its just me with myself and I treasure that. It’s the quiet time of the day which prevails in my home just after my husband and son have left home. I love drinking a steaming hot cup of coffee, too lazy to get out of my night gown, too awake to go to sleep again, reading the newspaper at leisure. On days when the weather is nice, simply sitting out in the garden and watching the world go by. I love doing it. Or even better, picking up the novel from where I left the night before and reading it on as long as time permits. Occasionally meeting a friend for coffee without running after my toddler. Or just talking to my mother over the phone without a mad rush to hang up before I start the day. Not that I can’t do these things now, but ‘me my time’ in the mornings are gone and its not going to be the same.

 As I accepted the offer I don’t know which one weighs more- the guilt of leaving my son for 3 hours thrice a week or leaving my comfort zone behind.

 

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. Marjorie

    That is a very frank assessment. From someone who has been there – you will feel both. Guilt and you will miss your me time. Though I think the me time will be easier to makeup as your work can become your me time. 3 days in a week is not something to feel guilty for so I would say, congratulations and enjoy it.

  2. Anonymous

    Congratulations on venturing out. You will feel good and Shaamak will be fine too. He may not eat – be prepared but you can make up later in the day.

  3. pry

    3 hrs for 3 days is awesome!!.I would love to get a job like that…

  4. malini

    Congratulations Indrani!! I know how you feel, I have passed that very phase sometimes back. Though frankly speaking given an option, after working for 7 long years and then a mother for 4 years, I find myself enjoying a freelancing job which I am doing from home so that I dont miss seeing my son growing up, I can help in the family chores, enjoy my me time and as well as keeping myself involved in something creative…Best of Luck once again…

  5. Khushi

    Congratulations. It is not easy to get a part time job, and that you did is a testament to your abilities. So feel great about it. I think Shaamak is at an age where he will adjust very well. Its only 3 days anyway. Soon you will relish the time at work and feel happy that you can do both. Take care.

  6. Anonymous

    Congratulations!!! My personal opinion is part time job is the best when you have kids. You will have time to earn some money plus you will be there with the family when they need you.Also as Khushi said its not easy to get a part time job these days…

  7. Indrani

    Well to start with, its going to be only for 3 months… I am working on a project. And if it turns out to be mutually beneficial for both parties, I’ll take it further. Thanks a lot for all the encouragement and assurance. I truly needed every bit of it.

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