I'll miss you

Son Listen,

Tomorrow your play school is reopening and you are very excited. So much so, that you didn’t even want to read your favourite book Bambi all over once more. You were more concerned of going off to sleep on time so that you are not late for you play school in the morning. Not that I haven’t been looking forward for the school to reopen; and to tell you the truth, there have been moments during the summer vacations when I have felt  being pushed against the wall. And there have also been times when I was about to lose patience and scream my lungs out and it was difficult to control myself. But still, I’ll miss the lazy mornings that we enjoyed for the last two months when you and I waved goodbye to Dad together and I had a cup of coffee at leisure while you watched ‘Jungle Book.’ I’ll miss your singing along the title song “Jungle Jungle baat chali hai, pata chala hai” I’ll miss playing peek-a-boo with you inside the house and more importantly I’ll miss your calling out to me every now and then when I am trying to get things in order for the day. Doing silly things like filling the bath tub with water and imagining it to be a swimming pool to beat the heat; or making paper boats and putting them in the tub on other days, this time imagining the tub to be a river; Singing along “Ek chhoti kashti mere paas” . I’ll miss your knock on the bathroom door when I go for a shower and asking me every minute “Mama are you done? How long will you take!”  You were a great company for going to the nearby market in the morning to buy fruits, snacks and stationery, just after the shops opened and well before any other shopper ventured out; reminding me few things you wanted and I had promised but forgotten. I enjoyed getting wet with you in the first rain after the hot sweltering summer months and sing “Raindrops falling on my head.”

Since you were much desired and a long awaited baby, after you were born, career took a back seat. I chose to be a stay at home mom not for your sake but for my sake. I wanted to enjoy your infancy and I am enjoying your toddler years to the fullest. Your days of innocence went off so fast that now when I see a new born baby; at times it is difficult to recollect what you were you like at the same age. It hasn’t been that long back! I am surprised myself and I know your childhood will be gone even before I’ll know and they will never come back to me. I wanted to be around when you said ‘Mama’ for the first time, or when you took your first step, or falling down and waiting for me to hug and comfort you.

Last year was different. You and I went together to the play club (as it was more of a mom baby club) and perhaps you did not understand and were not excited for the playschool to reopen. I am not holding anything against you, but I realised with a bang how much you have grown in just a year’s time.

I did not say anything to you today, as I am confident you will not understand now. But I am doubly sure one day you will and till then I am going to save this letter for you.

Dt: July 13, 2009

 

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6 Comments

  1. Sophie

    Awww…that’s so touching Indrano. I have tears in my eyes reading this. A note to treasure! Lucky boy that he has such a wonderfully talented blogger-mommy! As for me – I’m going stir-crazy being on bed rest (its only the 5th mth) for my second pregnancy and I can’t even play with my 2.5 yr old toddler.

  2. Khushi

    Very well written, I was so moved by it. I have some weeks of summer vacation left and I will treasure those. Something to save for sure.

  3. indrani

    Thanks a lot Sophie, Sarmila & Khushi for your warm and encouraging commnets. Meant a lot to me.

  4. Tana

    Indrani,
    Take good care of your loving heart … give yourself the love you were giving your son.

  5. Pry

    That was so sweet!!!.

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