Mom in Question – Neelam

Name:  Neelam Kamdar-Bhamani
Profession: Finance 
Kids: Two boys, Rayhan (8) and Rahil (5)
Born and brought up:  in Mumbai, India

What did you find most interesting about the US when you came here?
Many things really; one that sticks out in my mind was the abundance of everything in this country, from the size of grocery stores to the venti coffee servings, the wide freeways to the multi-storied parking lots; everything seemed super-sized here. Another thing that continues to wow me is the respect and value for human and animal rights here.

What struck you most when you started working here?
The people and how they were more like us in their basic values, priorities and thinking than I had imagined. I realized more than ever that racial and cultural differences are only at the surface; deep down we are all bound by the same needs, emotions and vulnerabilities.

Do you find workplaces here to be pretty multicultural?
By that, if you mean accepting of other cultures, my experience has been that most people are curious to learn about other cultures. But it’s best to first learn and adapt to the mainstream culture to an extent before slowly introducing your own flavor. I have noticed that coming on too strong, too fast with ethnicities can sometimes make people uncomfortable. It’s easier to accept and appreciate ones differences when a basic rapport has been established.

What did you find most surprising about your birth experience here? 
1) The ease of it all, 2) the no-fuss aftercare, and 3) the quick getting back on my feet. In this respect, I am glad to have done it here and not back-home. I couldn’t have gone through the ordeal it’s made out to be back-home during and after pregnancy.

How have your thoughts on parenting evolved over the years?
 Ha! This has to be my favorite question here; if only, I had a penny for every idealistic thought I had about parenting (before kids ofcourse)! As Bill Cosby puts it, the only people who are sure of the proper way to raise children are the ones who’ve never had any.
Now after years of experience, my parenting mantras are improvisation, keeping my cool (not to be confused with ‘being cool’, although that helps too), and most importantly not forgetting to have fun!!

How do you balance work, kids and all the other activities you are involved in?
What can I say, I am a SuperWoman!! Kidding aside, the way I do it is by prioritizing and de-cluttering. I have realized that if I make time for what’s important; everything else falls in place one way or another. As mothers, we all get too caught up in the day-to-day and lose sight of the big picture. I’ll share an anecdote I received as an email forward and kinda stayed with me:
A teacher once asked his students to fill a beaker with sand. Once the beaker was almost full, he gave them big pebbles to put in the beaker. When students failed at the task, he explained that the pebbles need to go first in the beaker. Once pebbles are in, the sand will trickle in through gaps and find room to fit in. And, same goes with life, if the important things are given room first, the trivial things will fall in place; but if the trivial things are allowed to take-over, there won’t be room left for what’s important.

What makes life interesting when raising multicultural kids?
The sheer confusion is what keeps it interesting! I have gotten quite creative in answering my kids’ questions about our heritage, our rites and rituals, our religion and our festivals vs. those of the mainstream. And what surprises me most is that, in trying to explain it to my kids, I’m gaining a better clarity and understanding of my own beliefs that I didn’t have before. You grow up taking certain things for granted and then come along two inquisitive minds that make you think long and hard about them. I’m glad my kids are growing up with this exposure to diverse cultures and people; to me, this is the biggest advantage of living in US.

What do you miss most about India?
My family, my friends, mom’s cooking, monsoons, road-side food, late-night drives, home delivery, baraf-gola, auto-rickshaws, domestic help, getting pampered…..how much space do I have here, cause I can go on and on….

Three things you would do to change the world?
On a personal and practical level, I’d do more volunteering, do charity for under-privileged kids and try to reduce my carbon foot-print.  To change the world, I’d like to see: education for all kids, regulated eco-initiatives and ridding the world of violence and corruption.

Fun activities you do with your sons? Hiking, Reading, Playing board games and my favorite – Making up stories and poetry.

Fun activities you do for yourself? Tennis, Biking, Reading and Writing

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