The Big Debate – Cosleeping

I am debating whether to cosleep with the little one.

In Calcutta, India, where I grew up, cosleeping is the norm. I remember sleeping in my parents bed for a long time. Sometime around I guess 8 or 9 I started asking for my own bedroom and bed. I remember the joy of having a room of my own. I decorated the shelves with my books and toys, setting up a separate shelf for my dolls bed. I remember approving the bedsheet and bedcover I wanted and feeling proud of having my own study table opposite to my bed. This was about the time when homework was becoming heavy, and I loved the flexibility of lying on my bed and reading and then moving to my table to finish my work. I felt proud to call it my own.

However my joys were shortlived. Soon after my grandmother moved in with us and I had to relinquish my room and bed to her. I had to unceremoniously return to my parents bedroom and bed, dolls and dolls bed included. And there I remained, cosleeping with my parents till long after when we could no longer fit in one queensized bed. The culture was such that I never questioned cosleeping, though I missed my room.

But having to give up my room to my grandmother made me determined to give the babe his own room. So when my son was born, we had a baby room for him, decorated with the usual baby parapharnelia. And at just two months, my husband, influenced by talks on reducing SIDS risks, started putting the babe in his own room and hard mattress. And to tell you the truth, I was terrified that I would crush him in my sleep.

And it worked great for him. There was no waking in the night and running to our room. There was no night wakings unless he was teething. My room was my own to work out off at a reasonable hour.

Well, this changed when we went to India and he had to cosleep for two months. When we were back, he refused to go to sleep alone. And if he woke up he would run to our bed. Or one of us would have to sleep in his.

With the second one, my little one, I have a separate crib but in my own bedroom. And there is room in his big brothers room for it. I dont yet know if I should move it there – what if the two brothers keep waking each other up?

 For the first five months he slept happily in his crib, but now has started crying in the night.

And when he does that I have been lazily pulling him into mine where he promptly falls asleep. I want him to sleep separately but I enjoy the cuddles. Although I occasionally wake up having totally forgotten he was there and feel a suddenly relieved that I did not crush him.

What did you all do? What do you think I should do with this one?

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6 Comments

  1. Sarmila

    it always happens the same with all of us, specially indian moms, slowly you have to seperate him to a different room after he turns 1.

  2. Ela

    Just cosleep till he asks to move out to big brother room

  3. Yasmin

    Khushi, ask yourself if you are ready. I wasnt ready until my boys were 9 months old. It was easier for me to nurse them at night without going to another room. But I must admit, for those 9 months of cosleeping with the twins, I really missed my sleep. I am a very light sleeper, and coupled with the fear of ‘crushing them’ I could hardly sleep (soundly).
    The first few nights after we moved them to their own cribs in their room, I would wake up to check on them. But soon I realized that they were also sleeping better and stopped waking up at night.
    So, Its a personal decision. Some parents make their babies sleep in a separate room right from day one, others let the kids sleep until they are 4-5 years old. Parents have to set the rules…I personally dont feel there’s a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ style. Choose whatever suits you best.

  4. Indrani

    Hi Khushi

    One way is to let the brothers take a nap together during the day but let them sleep separately at least till your younger son is 1. Do what you feel is best for your children.

  5. nikki

    Hey Khushi,

    I’m new here and just read ur post. I agree with the other feedbacks. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, do what feels right to you. Personally, I enjoyed cosleeping with my boys for as long as it lasted. I still sneak into their bed sometimes, just for the cuddles. They are 7 and 4 now and sleep together in their room.

    Also, on another note, I find it funny that you refer to your son as ‘babe'(even in 3rd person), I have never heard it said that way.

  6. Khushi

    Thanks, everyone for your comments. I like your idea Indrani. Nikki, welcome to the site! I think I will miss sleeping with them too. Yasmin, crushing is a big fear for me too. Good to hear your perspective.

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