The myth of unconditional love

Human relationships like a contract – we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time – we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands. That pretty much describes my life.

For some reason, I can’t help myself from forming an emotional dependency on my toddler son. Whenever I argue with my husband, I am in my mind already dreaming and enacting how my son will come and support me (be my knight in shining armor)instead of my livid  and unreasonable husband. Although I fully realize that this may be wrong – all my son needs is love – not an emotionally crippled mother – somewhere deep down – there is an emptiness.

I could have boasted of the wonderful times Ive had with my husband, but they have increasingly become far flung and few. Our relationship has changed quite drastically over the years – and now it just boils down to a secondary relationship.  Perhaps one of the main reasons of why this is is because I keep expecting him to change. I always keep hoping maybe today is the day he will throw the garbage out, perhaps today the pictures will finally go up on the wall or common sense will finally dawn on him.

I think love changes from time to time and from person to person, but it is never unconditional. To get back to my original question would you love without condition? –  despite being lied to, cheated on or abused would you still love that person?

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4 Comments

  1. khushi

    Munny, I dont think unconditional love is possible. Unending love perhaps, but as you have rightly pointed out that even love with kids are conditional. And people who say that kids or people should be loved unconditionally….blah.. bhalh… are usually the ones in failed relationships or without children or self proclaimed experts. But having said that, why do we need unconditional love? Would nt unending love, that withstands storms, maybe with a few conditions thrown in be enough? Are we over rating an ideal we dont need? To your question …. I would probably love the person after being lied to….etc…. if there was a chance of better times.

  2. Anonymous

    Munni – Your post really touched my heart. It came at the time when I needed to know that every relationship has ups and downs. All relationships come with expectations. Nobody is perfect but when the expectations stops thats when the relationships fail.

  3. Very good point anonymous. Yes, every relationships goes through curves……. Khusi I totally agree with you about ppl who say unconditional love is possible. You seem like a very forgiving person. Chances of a better times….how would you identify that? But .unending love??? Hmmm….. time to write my next blog :):):):)

  4. joysree

    very nicely written. it is true that we all fallin love and then fall out of love for whatever reasons.this is the toughest time of our life but it also help us to rediscover ourself beyond love.

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