The myth of unconditional love
Human relationships like a contract – we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time – we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands. That pretty much describes my life.
For some reason, I can’t help myself from forming an emotional dependency on my toddler son. Whenever I argue with my husband, I am in my mind already dreaming and enacting how my son will come and support me (be my knight in shining armor)instead of my livid and unreasonable husband. Although I fully realize that this may be wrong – all my son needs is love – not an emotionally crippled mother – somewhere deep down – there is an emptiness.
I could have boasted of the wonderful times Ive had with my husband, but they have increasingly become far flung and few. Our relationship has changed quite drastically over the years – and now it just boils down to a secondary relationship. Perhaps one of the main reasons of why this is is because I keep expecting him to change. I always keep hoping maybe today is the day he will throw the garbage out, perhaps today the pictures will finally go up on the wall or common sense will finally dawn on him.
I think love changes from time to time and from person to person, but it is never unconditional. To get back to my original question would you love without condition? – despite being lied to, cheated on or abused would you still love that person?
Last 5 posts by Zahira
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