The non working mom life

So now I am almost at the year mark of staying at home. By this time last year I had already resigned and frankly, I was quite unsure how I would take it. I had received so much training for the working life – years of schooling, college, on the job training, conferences, feedback, performance reviews, peer reviews – you name it. But now I was going to embark on a journey I knew very little about. Beyond a few of books on raising babies and toddlers, there had been absolutely no training for being a stay at home mom.

And even less for being a stay at home mom in  the US, a land I am only begining to know. You see, in India, you are surrounded by family. Sometimes you may get tired of it, but advise is usually available the moment you step out of the house or get on the phone. Plus, you have nannies and maids even for moms who work part time or stay at home, as labor is still affordable. So the mom, I think can focus on the ‘self-actualization’ parts of being a mom and not get bogged down in sweeping the floor or washing the dishes.

Of course, as a working mom I still had to wash the dishes and do the laundry but the daycare took care of much of the day. And when you have conference calls to do and important meetings to attend, the significance of housework fades. But when you are at home all day, I was afraid these basic needs of life would become more significant.

In other words, I was absolutely sure I would love it with my son. I was looking forward to the many hours of doing nothing and doing many little things I never got to do. But I was dreading being surrounded by housework all day.

You see, growing up I was never the girl who aced cooking and needlework and house cleaning. I dropped sulphuric acid on my lab coat and had scrawly handwriting. Doing well at work and studies was easier to me that all this.

As I started staying at home, I seemed to have it nailed for a few months. My heart was full with the time I was spending with my little son. And with all the little things I was learning about him that I had missed the last two years when he spent the better part of his day in daycare. I found activities we could do together and began doing them with great zeal. All the energy I would have put into work and projects was now focused on the wonderful toddler year of my son.

Even beyond this I set up systems for housework. We turned off the cleaning service ( my only touch with the maid aided days of India) and I took on cleaning toilets and vacuuming with gusto.

But as time passed, it is this part of it that I began to dread. I would love spending time and I still do with my son, but at the end of the day, seeing dirty dishes piled in the sink or tomato sauce splattered onto kitchen tiles bring me down.

I feel it so worth it to stay at home for my son and the kid to follow but the housework brings me down.

How do you deal with it?


Last 5 posts by Khushi


  1. Anonymous

    I agree. This is the most thankless part of a working moms job and a stay at home moms job.

  2. Anonymous

    I hate the drudgery too

  3. sands

    who doesn’t hate this! I love cooking but at the end of dinner when everyone is relaxing and I am in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, I keep thinking “why me?”.

  4. Khushi

    Sands, I know what you mean. Both the anonymouses, I am glad you are on my side!

  5. smiles81

    Hi Everyone..
    I recently joined this forum.After landing in US,I often felt “left out of the crowd” while many of my aquaintances were engaged in one or the other…but atleast I find relief through this forum to share similar thoughts.Even i feel the same way about staying at home all day…though I read books,browse the net,watch movies,craft work,walking etc…but with a kid…even all that has reduced..What to do?

  6. Khushi

    Smiles81, welcome! I guess its all part of the adjustment phase of a newcomer in this country. I am looking forward to hearing more from you. For me it really helps to vent and share and I have grown to look forward to hearing from people when I write. Its just one connection in an isolated community.

  7. freewilly

    hi khushi, o am sure u will simply love it when the baby arrives , u will have double joy and of course double work load too .Try to involve your husband in all the household jobs and also involve your son,first by asking to choose a good name for d baby, helping to choose the room color for d baby and also choose clothes for d baby.This will keep his mind busy and he will be very excited.Remember to buy some gifts for your son too,maybe something which he has been wanting from a long could also get your mom or mom in law to come and help u during the initial few weeks after the baby`s arrival.It will be a great help till u settle down.

  8. Khushi

    Thank you freewilly. I am looking forward to it. These are great ideas on how to involve my son. I was thinking of getting him involved, but getting him to choose clothes etc is a good idea. I have thought of buying gifts and maybe keeping them in storage and handing out when the baby gets the gifts. Welcome to the site. I look forward to hearing more from you.

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