To or Not to have kids

How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids:

– Mess Test 

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind thecouch and leave it there all summer. 

– Toy Test 

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish).Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and takeoff shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream becausethis would wake a child at night. 

– Grocery Store Test 

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with youas you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eator damage. 

– Dressing Test 

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bagmaking sure that all the arms stay inside. 

– Feeding Test 

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend fromthe ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfulsof soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to bean airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. 

– Night Test 

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 poundsof sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm , begin to waltz and humwith the bag until 9:00pm . Lay down your bag and set your alarm for10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have everheard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am . Setalarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Lookcheerful. 

– Ingenuity Test 

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turnit into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it intoan attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece offoil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of
Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. 

– Automobile Test 

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream coneand put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick itinto the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies.Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car.There, perfect! 

– Physical Test (Women) 

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of yourclothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try notto notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for awhile. 

– Physical Test (Men) 

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Askthe clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go tothe head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited tothe store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for thelast time. 

– Final Assignment 

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how theycan improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet trainingand child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasizeto them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoythis experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.


  1. Yasmin

    This is Hilarious!!..really enjoyed reading the post.

  2. Khushi

    Very true. I love it

  3. Indrani

    Absolutely lovely! Great sense of humour

  4. nikita

    wow…i will always fail this test and never have kids 🙂

  5. Tana

    Hilarity and Ingenuity in every word! You passed the “creativity” test, while I failed the potential-parent test! 🙂

  6. nikki

    This is hilarious. My favorite is the “Final Assignment”, it really cracks me up when I witness people without kids giving advice on raising kids! The funniest thing about it is that they really believe their advice works.

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